Fuck Buddy

I had a fuck buddy. I needed a fling when I split up with my ex but it didn't quite go according to plan. It was actually a friend of a friend who became my fuck buddy which made things a bit more complicated. The sex was amazing, we had so much spark between us, he was great to be around and I felt completely at ease with him. We decided to be "exclusive" but I had to stop seeing him because I was getting too attached and I was confused about where I stood.

Last weekend we both happened to be out Saturday tonight and I couldn't help but be attracted to him still, so quite predictably we kissed and he stayed at mine. It was fantastic, I can't quite believe how much we'd missed each other. So now I'm back to square one. I guess the concept of a fuck buddy doesn't quite work for me. If there is no emotion, it doesn't matter how attractive someone is I will get bored very very quickly.

So after declaring myself single, I'm in another fine mess.

Status Update

I have declared myself single.

Ex

He sent me lots of irrational emails recently. For example, I would regret my decision to break up with him. My Ex still refers to me by my pet name which I find really inappropriate. It's probably linked to his inability to accept we're finished and will never get back together.

Obviously he never knew me well enough to know I do not feel regret about decisions past.

He also made an irrational request for me to return all the things he ever gave me, including birthday gifts. I pointed out it was socially unacceptable to ask for presents back over the age of 18.

By Day, By Night

I have been hanging around the gym in the hope of bumping into a guy I feel the urge to apologies to. My friend has a guy who hangs around the gym for her - she calls him "her stalker". But I do have a legitimate reason for seeking him out, I need to apologies for being a drunken flirt last Friday, while he was perfectly sober. Even if it is a very accurate description of how I spend my weekends I do not want him to think I am a drunken flirt. I would prefer him to think of me as sexy, poised, witty and intelligent - that's not too much to ask right?

I have no idea what he thinks of me. I mean, he's seen me at the gym (flustered, smeared make up, with water spilt down my clothes) and on a Friday night (disheveled, smeared make up, with Pornstar martinis down my clothes). It cannot be good, can it?

I haven't bumped into him yet. He knows I'm there after 7pm on a weekday evening and on a Saturday morning (how observant) so I have been sticking to my routine. In the meantime I'll just have to get in shape.

Signalling Effect

Well, I think I may be getting over my crush. We have met a few times for drinks, come back to mine had great sex but I don't see him often enough to keep any kind of desire going in between our meetings.

At first I had knew very little about him and let my imagination run wild. Between seeing him I could give myself butterflies by day dreaming and imagining what he was like. Now that we've met a few times I'm kind of in between not knowing him and possible knowing him. I'm familiar enough with him to prevent day dreaming yet I very much doubt that we will get to know each other on anything more than a physical level.

For now I'm putting the lack of interest down to him being busy with work and exams but if things don't improve after Christmas I'll have to stop seeing him. I would like to get to know him better, and I'll need to if I'm too stay attracted to him. I can never be attracted to someone on a looks only basis for very long. The novelty wears off and I get bored.

I don't mind meeting up just once a week (that suits me just fine) but there needs to be some contact in between i.e. flirty text messages to keep the fire stoked. I have text him but the messages I get back, if I get one back might as well be about the weather for all the passion they have.

He needs to strike while the iron is hot if he's interested. At the moment I am feeling lukewarm. I am unwilling to play games and have initiated contact but I am also unwilling to chase someone who isn't really that fussed.

The worse thing is that when we first slept together he asked me to stop seeing my fuck buddy, talk about mixed messages!