Desperate Housewife

One of the reasons my relationships have broken down in the past is because of my stubborn need for Independence - financially, emotionally, physically and time wise. But I really want a man who can take control, who can be masterful and dominant. I'm driven, motivated and so in control of my own life that I don't want to be like that in a relationship all the time.

Sometimes I dream of being a housewife. I would approach my duties with the same relish and commitment I do my job. Half my mind is in the 1950's. I'd cook some fabulous evening meal in my rockability dress after spending the afternoon in a hair salon having my raven haired locks teased into romantic curls. I'd bring up 2.4 beautiful children and "swoon" as my gorgeous, bread winning husband returns from the office and calls out "Honey, I'm home!" I guess the only reference to the 50's in a modern day equivalent would be pastel coloured Smeg fridge freezer.

But the inner cynic would never let me be a housewife. My instinct for self preservation is too strong. I could never be dependent on a man financially - what happens if you get divorced? After all, lets be realistic. Men are allowed to get old, and many look good doing it (think George Clooney and Brad Pitt) but ageing and women are two things that aren't allowed to sit at the same table. We get old, then we get replaced and then we have to start over. I'll stick to working my arse off, I like it, plus no one can complain about how much I shop.

The Drought

I have recently come off some medication, one of the side effects was lowered libido and inability to orgasm. Let me reassure you the medical situation was so desperate I was willing to loose my orgasm.

Now I have given up the prescription medication and my sex drive is the size of Africa. And I am single. Life is so unfair, Ann Summers makes a fortune out of people like me.

The situation is desperate, all I can think about is sex (with a particular person) and typically I can't have them.

Great Expectations

I went for a date, in fact, I don't think it was even a "date" on the 16th October. I think I thought it was a date, he thought it was "drinks" just to confuse things even more. It was good, I found it easy to talk, he made me laugh, I flirted, we kissed (the kiss was amazing) and I haven't seen him since.

OK, I appreciate he is busy, I'm feeling completely over subscribed myself at the moment but there's hardly been any contact to keep any sort of interest going. Barely any text messages, no emails, no facebook flirting, nothing.

Now I wouldn't describe myself as needy, its just I have a short attention span. I need some mild flirtation between meetings to keep me interested otherwise I get distracted by other people, friends, shopping, life in general. Why are men so rubbish at communication?

I am going to generalise that men from his particular industry are terrible at keeping in touch. This is from obeservations of two members of this sub species. My best friend is also trying to "date" one of them and has the same problem.

You see, if they were horrible, not very special, we wouldn't bother waiting and hoping for them to get in touch (stomach flutters when text received from said men) or if it seemed that they were doing it on purpose, instead we have reluctantly accepted that it's just the way they are.

Now, being a cynic I am begining to wonder if this behaviour is completely natural, or, are these guys of above average intelligence playing a cunning game? The tactic could be to have us accept such poor levels of communication and lower our expectations so that when they eventually get in touch we are so happy to hear from them.

Lower expectations + easier to impress ladies = less effort on part of male.

In fact, we smile and are happy when we receive non flirty messages that read "How are you?" in such a platonic way were not even sure if any kind of spark ever happened - was that kiss all a dream?

It wouldn't bother me but I like this guy, I want to get to know him more, plus he is really fit in a Jude Law kind of way but far sexier.

So what on Earth constitutes a date then?

Introductions

On the advice of my two best friends, I have started this journal as a record of my experiences being a single girl and everything else that comes along with trying to date. I guess this journal serves no purpose or benefit than my own, hopefully in time it will save me from making the same mistakes repeatedly and will most likely give me something to laugh at when I’m having a bad day.

In no way am I desperate to find a man, either for a quick fling or something long term, and I would describe myself as a naturally cynic with a hidden romantic side.

I was in a relationship for 18 months but broke up with my significant other because he wanted a level of commitment I was unable to give. Breaking up hurt, not because I was heartbroken but because I had broken the heart of someone I cared deeply about.

So once again I am single and there is a whole world of opportunities, if only it was that simple! I am pretty convinced that dating gets harder the older you get, and the rules of engagement get more complex and more blurred so that moving from a simple kiss on a Saturday night to telling someone you “like” them becomes as difficult and doing the tango stood on your hands, or at least that’s how it feels to me.

But I’m willing to give it all a shot (again) none the less.